My cousin passed yesterday. Once you get over the initial shock of the reality that you will never see this person again and after you have ran the last conversation or encounter with them though your mind, you begin to think about all of your family members that you have neglected to call. Then begin the remarks at how sad it is that families wait until a tragedy to get together. How they should stay n contact with each other more, see each other more...As I began to go through my own list of friends and family I love dearly, would do anything for, even though I may not talk to or see regularly, I began to realize something that I would like to share.

Everyday we are bombarded, in one for or another, with the idea that tomorrow will come. We plan for retirement. During heartache we are told to take it "day by day" or "there is always tomorrow". We encourage people to set goals, plan and look forward to the future as we remind them it is always darkest before the storm because the sun always rises in the morning. We teach our youth to plan for careers they do not even know they want yet so they can provide for the children they may never have.

You see, we are not planning for death. We are planning for life. So when death arrives and we suffer a loss, it serve as a reminder that we are living....to die. It makes us reevaluate our goals, our life and the direction of it. So, it is alright if the loss of a loved one provokes an impromptu family gathering with those you have not seen in ten years. Do not look at it as a half hearted attempt to make things right for that moment or as a way for family members to rid themselves of potential guilt. Look at it as reminder that we need to constantly reevaluate what we are doing with our own lives as we continue to plan for the future. A reminder to embrace who we are and where we come from and to include those who contribute to it...in it.

While we are thinking of places we want to go to, things we want to do and family we want to see, we do not typical think that time is limited. Theirs or ours. After all, we are conditioned to be hopeful because we have tomorrow. And that's why a loss prompts the realization, even through all of the inspirational quotes, that your grandmother was right....tomorrow is not promised. It is sad that you lost someone. It is not sad that it caused you to make the call. Set the date. Send the text.......answer one.

Tomorrow is not promised, but it is okay if we need a reminder as we prepared for it to come. Live.

Blessings, Jai

Can you hear me now?

It has been almost 6 months since I last posted here..I have so much to share and will do so in the next few days..

Jai

zero to 100 in less than 10 minutes

So, I just got off the phone with someone in the movie industry who, in previous weeks has hinted to helping me with my vision for my company. By the second or third conversation, I was becoming less and less comfortable, and more an more agitated with our conversations. Not because I was doubting his credibility, but because I had to request he not refer to me as "this bitch from Portland" a few times while on three way conversations. His reply was "I was just paying, you know how ya'll call each other bitch". No...no I don't...I don't do that and neither should you...not with me at least...a few giggles from both of us as we continued that particular conversation....

So tonight, he called and asked me if my "white rapper" was creative. I said definitely...He was writing a movie with the possible lead being Adrien Brody...exactly! Who? I asked "who is that?"...and it was on from that moment on.

Him: He is an Oscar winner, he was in the Pianist?

Me: Oh..Oh yeah..now I know him.

Him: You call yourself being in the industry and you don't even know who the big stars in Hollywood are?

Me: I manage rappers, not actors. I have spent the past few years trying to learn what I can in this area...and besides, he was in Splice...which was horrible...why would I remember him? (I laugh)

Him: How stupid will you look if someone mentions an A list actor and you don't know who thay are...being in a conversation here with the big dogs, you have aot to learn.

Me: Ok...ok...hold on a second....tone it down a bit...not knowing is not being stupid...and you got bout one more time to disrespect me.

Him: Im just trying to help you out, but you think you know everything and don't want to listen. Movie soundtracks are a way to get your artist noticed.

Me: I don't know everything, and I am thankful for this opportunity...I told you the last time we spoke that I KNOW there is allot I still need to earn about how the industry operates. Remember? Thats when you told me I need to be more open to lying...(side note...he said if I am not ready to drop my ethics and morals at the door, I should consider another business) but I am uncomfortable with you referring to me as stupid because I didn't know who this particular actor was. You had to begin somewhere, and if you are trying to teach someone something by sharing what you have learned, assuming they know what you are trying to teach them, makes no sense.

Him: (and I quote) You disrespect yourself. You don't listen. You think you know everything and you are arrogant! So stay your dumb ass in Portland. I offered you the opportunity of a lifetime. For your artist to put a soundtrack on a Warner Brothers film with an Oscar winning starring and what do you do? Act a goddamn fool. Make sure you tell your artist how you blew it because I hurt your feelings. I'm sure that will make his day!

Me: First of all,and let me be clear, Id have to care about you for you to hurt my feelings, which I don't..calling me names is immature, which is the least of your faults. I definitely don;t know everything, but what I do know is this; people treat you the way you let them..and I'm not going to let you or anybody, for any reason, disrespect me. It is not in me to stoop to your level and toss back an insult... but don;t think for one second I do not have a limit....you have been warned...(slight giggle, sprinkled with some "Lord help me stay classy)

Him:Just don't forget to tell your guy that you blew it because pride comes before the fall

Me: I will surely let him know...and you know this nicca, I have enogh pride not to allow you to call me stupid, bitch or dumb..I would have never learned anything if I was prideful..but I do take pride in myself..there is a difference. Learn it!

Him: You're dumb..I dont have time for this shit (and he hung up on me)

This dude was able to push every one of my buttons in less than 10 minutes...after he hung up, I must tell you, it took everything inside of me not to call him back and remind him that he let this light skin fool him...

I don;t realy know what to think of someone who "goes off" because they are asked to stpo being disrepectful...maybe he is used to being able to get away with that kind of behavior, I don;t doubt it, but I warned him that I was not like anyone he had every dealt with before....I guess he thought I was a liar afterall...(smile)

It has been a while since I have bogged about anything. Not because I have not had things to write about, Lord knows the antics I deal with when I try to mix business with an associate that is constantly shifting in his seat while telling me how sexy me feet are...I have just been in my head alot about things...wanting to, needing to express them with someone, somewhere...so here I am...(smile)

I recenty had dinner with someone in the industry (first mistake, dinner means cocktails, means something in a small glass that makes you smile alot, means unexpected subject changes)and although it began with the obvious how are you's and how is business exchanges, it quickly became a lesson in the importance of a buffer. Trust me, I know there are a few different meanings attached to this title, so for the sake of clarity, with some patience and a little more reading...I will bless you with this clarity I speak of (smile)

Here is the scene...I am invited to dinner by this person and because I am also visiting a friend, I invite him to come along. Now in the front of my mind, I am thinking how this would be a great opportunity for an introduction of the two, but in the back...where all the smarty smart stuff lurks, I am thinking I may need a buffer. (theres that word again, but I pormise it will all makes sense) My friend declines to accompnay me (shame on him) and so I meet this associate for dinner...alone. Now I can't help it that my curls were falling just right that night or that my lipstick somehow seemed to be extra glossy, or that the glitter nail polish I had on my toes would inspire such a magnificent contrast with my red shoes (not "those" red ones...smile)

As I greeted him, we shook hands, exhanged how happy we were to be able to get together again, and we took our seats in the lounge. Now, in this setting...it was meant to be casual...those that know me know I love my jeans...so I was happy about that.

He asked if I wanted something to drink as he ordered his first one and a shrimp cocktail. I order a Shirley Temple (I don't drank) as we both looked at the menu. He suggested shrimp cocktail and since I had never tried it...I went with that to begin with.

General conversation went on as we waited for our order...then the order came. It was as if I had put down one book I had started reading from page one, and opened another one somewhere in the middle because within seconds, I had no idea where this particular story began and where I was in it. He took a large shrimp between his two fingers, dipped it in the red sauce, and offered me a bite.... I declined...too intimate for me....and plus, I don't know where your hands have been..He then said, "there is nothing sexier than a woman that will put in her mouth what you offer her"

Now, it took me a minute...but I had to ask myself..."did this dude just make a sexual reference?"..and then he confirmed for me...yes..yes he did as he followed that comment with.." can I jusy say, that I think you are a very sexy woman" In my oh so Javonnie way..I said, thank you, but I think I pale in comparision to the shrimp you seem to be fondling right now....do ya"ll need a room? He laughed as I stood and pointed out that the time had come where he is letting his last drink work his thoughts and in the spirit of keeping this business relationship in tact, I have to leave before it really gets uncomfortable.....for him!

Now, imagine this sane set up with a buffer. (my friend who declined to accompany me - shame on him)

More to come....smile

Little off topic....but it's my blog...smile

What is it when you can talk to someone about anything, have a great time doing nothing with them and you have an incredible, intense, unexplainable intimacy that only gets better with time. Is that compatability or chemistry?

You need compatability to be friends and chemistry to be lovers. You need both to have a best friend and lover in the same person.

Chemistry draws us back to a person even when we are angry. Friendship makes us glad we got over the difference. Mutal respect creates compatability..compatability nourishes chemistry...and sustains it.

Chemistry may not define a relationship or make a long term relationship stand..but lack of it can surely break one.

Chemistry is an illusive quality ,as difficult as it may be to define, it can be just as simple. Yet to some of us it canbe a mystery. If one possesses the ability to listen to their instincts, the answer is simple.....

But what if they are not listening....

Edified,
Jai

Why Me God?

More than a few times I have found myself feeling this inside if not bold enought to ask it out loud. It was not until today that I realized something. That although we look at people that come into our lives as people God had placed there "for us"...it is very possible that He place you there "for them".

God will often use our life to do something in the life of someone else. Our view is limited to our world. Our world revloves around us; effects us; allowing space for us to forget that we are not everything.

A great example of this is, when we are in a relationship and it ends, our heart breaks as we try to comprehend the "reason" for this tragegy that has be forced upon us, when in reality, it may not have happend to you or even for you, but in spite of you in order to help the other person.

Maybe you were the vessel God used to show the other person compassion, trust and love so as they move forward, they will know how to accept it the next time they are exposed to it.

We are not in control. God is. Life may not seem fair as we look exclusively at our situation, but God is always fair and everything He does is for good and He has a good result planned for you...not in spite of the pain you feel...but because of it.

So instead of "Why me God?" we should say..."Wow, me God?

Edified

Jai

How Many Buses Does It Take?

ME: Hello.
HIM: Hey, Javonnie. I know we have talked about how people look and stuff like that, well, I..hold on a second...well, I was waiting at the bus stop with this Hispanic woman. I wasn't sure the driver was going to stop. He did. As I got on the bus, I said to him, "you were not going to stop were you?" He replied..."Maaaan, you know how it is, if she wouldn't have been there I probably wouldn't have".

HIM: (as he continued) see, we have talked about how attractive women get doors opened for them that other, less attractive people do not.

Now, as I tried to control the temperature on the meter that manages my words when frustrated, I blurted out a firm, confident "I disagree!" (in the back of my mind I was wondering if he also thought she was attractive) As I continued to listen to him speak about his plans to incorporate this social psyhcoloy into his marketing plan by purposefully matching his clients with attractive people of the opposite sex, I understood his, and societies preoccupation with the shell of who we are.

See, we had had this conversation many times over and not until this time did it begin to rube me the wrong way.

As a person in an industry that judges you on your presence more than your talent, in the past, I have whole hardily agreed....but this time, for some reason, this time, I took his words as he spoke them to me...and took them as if he spoke them at me. I think I took personally his intent to use the very thing that seemed to hinder my progress as a woman in the industry, as a tool for his benefit. Yes, I'm qaulifying myself as attractive....we all should to be honest.

It was weird...words were exchanged, sometimes short and dismissive, but in the end the playful text of expressed appreciation for our difference of opinion prevailed, as always.

Do we, as a whole, treat people differently depending on how attractive we perceive them to be? Will a man hold open a door for a pretty woman and allow it to slam shut in the other one's face? Will a man stay with his girlfriend and put up with the unhappiness simply because she is beautiful? (well, the answer to that one is yes, my friends friend is doing that as we speak) Do we, as woman destroy our hairlines with weaves, blink through colored contacts and endure the pain of a manicure that cut into our cuticles simple to shorten our time at the bus stop?

As women, even the confident ones, we cannot deny that we like the way we look when we have that mascara on and our hair is right (me, I love a good lip gloss).....but after this conversation, I may just begin, if even subconsciously, to see how many buses I have to wait for...

Edified

Jai